Between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day, I can count on at least one or two updates in Facebook that goes like this….
“Andrew McBride and Lisa Patterson are now engaged.” or
*picture of super blingy ring* OMG OMG OMG OMG LOOKIT WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMASSSSS!
And everyone’s thinking whatwhatttt that’s awesome congratulationsssss please don’t have a Cirque du Soleil themed bachelorette party because I sprained my ankle at the last one while trying to do a cartwheel roundoff combo because I’m no longer 8; I’m 34.
Congratulations to you, if you’re recently engaged! By general survey of those who I follow on Pinterest, it seems like there are quite a few of you planning a wedding. As someone who frequents weddings, I feel compelled to bestow upon you my expert advice and knowledge gleaned from attending so many. Feel free to ignore me completely.
1) You may want to pick a wedding song other than Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” It’s about breaking up and moving on – not the proper sentiment for “I’ve just pledged to put up with the fact that you leave the cap off the toothpaste.”
2) Advise your Maid of Honor to keep her toast short and sweet. We’re all standing with champagne glasses in hand, and if she starts tripping down Memory Lane, reminiscing about your sorority parties of years past, I’m no longer seeing you in your Vera Wang wedding gown. I’m picturing you doing keg stands while Dave Matthews blasts in the background.
3) I am actually unaware of the history or tradition behind doing a garter toss. If you must do a garter toss, bear in mind that you and your groom are one wrong flip of the gown away from showing your guests your girl parts. Shimmy that garter down to your knee, otherwise you may never live down the shame of letting your Uncle Bill discover that your “something blue” was actually your underwear.
source: icanhazcheeseburger
4) I love when people forgo the wedding favors and make a donation to a worthy cause instead. I was recently at a wedding where a lovely sign was displayed “In lieu of wedding favors, the couple has donated two microscopes to a local school.” Whatever you do, don’t do that with the wedding cake. “In lieu of a cake, the couple has donated to The Human Fund.” I have no substantial reason except for the fact that cake is one of the best parts of a wedding.
5) Don’t forgo waterproof mascara, especially if you’re the sentimental type. Mascara running + bright red lipstick = references to The Joker, always. Why so serious? Smirksmirksmirk. :)
6) “You may kiss the bride” does not mean “You may devour her face.” Save it for the limo or post wedding activities. I’ve been to a few weddings where, after the first three seconds of the “kiss” I have to look away because it suddenly feels like walking in on your parents naked. Know what I mean? No? Hmm. I’ll chalk it up to me being a Prairie Mary.
7) Don’t forget to shake-shake-shimmy-shake when getting the final alterations done on your gown to make sure your strapless dress and strapless bra combo WILL NOT FAIL YOU on the dance floor. Photographer friends of mine have too many pictures of “Brides Accidentally Gone Wild” because of overzealous dancing to Nelly or Michael Jackson. No, no. Don’t do a Google Image Search. Just trust me.
8) Have someone pack a junkload of safety pins in case your husband steps on your train and rrrrrrrips the back of your gown. This happened to me, and it was mildly disastrous. We scavenged for safety pins, but they were the teeny, discreet kind. I needed the big, diesel kind. Pack the big, diesel kind. :)
9) Don’t force your guests to be in a conga line. It’s awkward and everyone feels funny inside. Unless you invite these guys. Then, by all means, allow me to lace up my skates.
source: wikipedia
10) Wedding invitations that say “Cash gifts only, please” make me violently angry and will ensure that you will receive a floor lamp in the shape of an alpaca that I purchased at the finest of flea markets.
Agree? Disagree? Leave advice for the happy brides-to-be in the comments. :)
MORTIFIED. Mortified at the thought that someone would ACTUALLY ask for cash gifts only.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
I get that it’s infinitely more convenient than another slow cooker, buuuut….
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It is has been so long since I got married, or really have even been to wedding. Have fun… Try not to stress (yeah right). Don’t be a bridezilla. As much as everyone tells you the day is all about you that’s a big fat lie. The day is about all you, your husband and all of your family members celebrating a significant moment in your lives.
The last wedding I went to had a jar where you could leave advice for the couple. I thought that was a neat idea.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:27 pm
“As much as everyone tells you the day is all about you that’s a big fat lie. The day is about all you, your husband and all of your family members celebrating a significant moment in your lives.”
Love that. So true.
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Kryssy Reply:
January 5th, 2012 at 11:12 am
Yes I get Married at the beginning of September but I am NOT turning into a bridezilla. Im finding that it is a big fat lie that day is about me, or that its all about me and my other half but about my family and them telling me no sorry demand what I should and shouldn’t do and if I don’t say or agree with them Im being a bridezilla! :-(
The day should be about everyone celebrating with you the significant moment in your lifes.
My advice to anyone planning a wedding is run off and do it abroad and don’t tell anyone till you come back! You’d be happier.
Happy planning.
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Who does that!? Who asks for cash only!? I have heard before of something like that being on a childs birthday invit. Something like bring this not that.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I’ve seen it. :)
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I’m so glad to see you took my suggestion to heart. Love the cat picture!!
XOXO
Nikki @ the ambitious procrastinator
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
It’s for you and only you, Nikki. Now give me a cash gift.
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Oh, and as far as the request for cash gifts? I attended a wedding that asked for cash. It was also a pot luck reception and the wedding location had an entrance fee because the bride /groom didn’t want to pay the fee that would allow their guests to come for free. Don’t worry, it gets better. The pot luck reception was at a Fire Department museum thing, but in the garage. And at the end of the festivities, the bride spent about 45 minutes tearing through all of their wedding gifts. My boyfriend / secret husband thinks they might have turned a profit at their wedding.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I did that. But I was laundering drug money, so stop judging me.
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Totally agree on pretty much all of the above! ;) And the cash gifts only thing makes me criiiinge! Annnnd I’ve totally beent to weddings that have a little to much smoochy smoochy going on and its awkwaaaaardly excruciating! :)
One thing that I told my sister when she was planning her wedding was not to feel the need to go with the flow and do the same old traditional thing. It is a beautiful and special day for you and your spouse to be and it should be just that…so go out of the box and be original, do what you want and what represents you. I love all the creative ways things can be handmade and have personal touches. So many options…it makes me want to get married all over again, to the same guy of course! ;)
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Hahaha me too, Erica. I would do everything differently, I think.
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As someone who has been proudly married for all of . . . checks date. . . 5 days now, I heartily agree with pretty much all of this list!! We put a polite note in our invitation suggesting cash gifts might be more appropriate considering in the three months following the wedding we are shifting country three times, but also said gifts or even nothing was fine. It worked out really well . . . we had only three real presents, all completely random and perfect for us . . a proper turkish coffee set, the board game Risk and an electric drill! I’d never ask exclusively for cash, especially that bluntly.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Sarah, where are you headed? And I totally cannot imagine trying to haul a waffle iron around the world. Congratulations!
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Sarah Reply:
January 5th, 2012 at 5:07 am
I’m a New Zealander and he’s British, we got married in the UK but are currently living in France, before heading back to NZ for a minimum of 6 months via the UK in Feb-March. Lots of travelling going on here!
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I love you. I want to ge married again just so I can invite you to my wedding.
Where I will have cake, no demands for cash gifts, and no Whitney Houston music, big safety pins and my husband with an Indiana Jones hat and plastic sword diving under my dress to ferret out the garter…to the theme from Indiana Jones. (that really happened BTW).
Followed by the bouquet toss to Chumba Wumba’s “I get knocked DOWN…but I get up again!” in which the single ladies end up diving into a rugby pile to snag the bouquet that was launched and also decapitated from across the tent. (That also happened).
Why oh why didn’t I discover you back in 2007?!!
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
I died at plastic sword…
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Leah Butler Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Luckily…by the great and powerful Roo’s rules…the garter was way way WAY too big and so was hovering in the general vicinity of my ankle so no flashing of the lady parts at random relatives. thank goodness…as that was the first time I was meeting a lot of my in-laws…so yeah…
And we have pictures of him…with the sword…in his mouth…triumphantly brandishing the garter…if you want to come back to life to view it. :-)
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I’d say you are spot on! Possibly the only other thing I’d add is make sure you have a pair of flip flops…there is no such thing as a pretty AND comfy bridal shoe. And those that tell you otherwise are big fat liar cats.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
I wore ballet slippers. :P
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These are fantastic! My dress train was also stepped on and ripped. Fortunately we were able to bustle it back up, but wow, that could’ve been awful. Safety Pins. Good call.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
It was terrible. We tried to bustle it, but my train was too heavy for the wee little pins.
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That’s funny because American traditions shy away from money, but in Asian traditions (at least as far as I know), money is preferred. Guests always give the couple money in envelopes to help start their life off right & essentially pay for their seat/dish at the wedding.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I think it can be regional, but cash gifts are common, at least in my state. It’s my go-to gift for a wedding, but I think it’s strange to specify on an invitation. But maybe that’s regional, too?
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I’m planning my wedding (11 more months!!) and some advice I hear from my most of my family & future-in-laws is: “Don’t worry about everyone else, plan a day that will make you & Josh (Fiance) happy.” And this advice is almost always followed by: “Buuuuuut, you need to do this, or you should do this.”
Future mother-in-law: “Shelby, it’s your wedding, if you don’t want to have a dancefloor, don’t… Wait, you don’t want a dress with a train? Well, you HAVE to have a veil at least… A birdcage veil? No! You have to have a long one!”
-.-
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Does this mean you’re not going to wear a NiceGirlNotes t-shirt to your wedding? :’(
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Shelby Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 3:47 pm
You supply it, I’ll wear it!! :) I’ll post pictures, too!
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If you insist on having a garter tossing ceremony, invite my brother in law. At our wedding, no one informed him of the meaning behind it, so in true I’m the best athlete ever fashion, he dove across completely uninterested parties and did a dead roll to catch it. It was awesome. And dumb. But, he’s sorta made it his thing at weddings and he’s since captured a total of 6. The garter mojo isn’t working though, he’s still single. And also, if you’re inviting Roo, do a conga line. She is lying her face off when claims to not completely enjoy those. She SO does!
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Ba ba ba da da… Hey!!!!
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Yes yes! These are all good advice. I wish someone had told me I could opt out of the garter toss before my wedding!
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I actually would love to know the meaning behind it!
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Ruth S Reply:
January 5th, 2012 at 3:24 pm
http://www.ehow.com/about_6622202_meaning-wedding-garter_.html
here you go!
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I don’t think asking for cash in exchange for gifts is a bad thing. I mean if the couple lives together already, they already have what they need in their home. At least if it’s cash you can decide how much you want to give and they can use it to pay off their wedding if they decided to go with a loan or even pay down any other debts. I would much rather hand them cash then to debate if I really want to spend $150 on a lamp that you have your eye on. But that’s just me.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:44 pm
The part about the lamp was tongue-in-cheek. I usually do give cash gifts, but I think asking for them specifically is a bit impolite, especially when the purpose of inviting people to a wedding do they can celebrate with you, not drop checks in your bank account. My suggestion to those not wanting or needing household items is simply to not register for gifts. The guests will, for the most part (I think) understand that the couple doesn’t need another small appliance.
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Tiffany Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
I caught the tongue-in-cheek reference lol. The only problem I would have is if they asked for no less then a minimum of this much. Then I’d be upset. But like one of the other posters above, it’s also part of certain cultures. I’m half German and that’s one of the wedding traditions to help start the new couple off with their “new life”. I mean if the couple is loaded already then I don’t see the point in them having a “money” wedding in the first place and i’d be pissed that their even asking for it. But for the ones that are already struggling financially, I kind of think it’s a good way to go. It give the guests the opportunity to give no money, a little bit of money, or a lot of money lol. Plus you know even if you brought them a gift instead of money they are not going to turn it away. Otherwise I completely agre with the rest of the list you have.
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The worst weddings I’ve been to are where the bride invites way too many people for what she has planned: seating, food, dance floor. Oh yes, I love having to sit behind the cake table at the reception. Oh and yes, I loved that I didn’t get a piece of that same cake. Because you had 300 people and planned for 150.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Yikes. Poor planning.
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So as people carry less and less cash – is the Money Dance going to be a credit card swiper strapped to the bride’s bustle? Ok, that mental pic made me want to bleach my eyes out.
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Roo Reply:
January 4th, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Fantastic idea.
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I definitely opted out of the garter toss. I don’t get it, and it was just way too suggestive for me to be comfortable in a room full of family. Awkward! Also, I found it really awkward asking for gifts at all. I left it up to my parents to pass along registry information to anyone who asked. I can’t imagine including gift preferences in a wedding invitation. I mean, the gifts really aren’t the point, right? I suppose everyone feels a little differently about this, but I erred on the cautious side since hubby and I like to stay drama free as a general rule. Oh! And, my bustle broke the very second I walked into the reception. My bridesmaids rigged it up somehow and I still have no idea what they did, but it lasted until the second we got to our hotel that night! Great work ladies :)
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I have a “Yey Wedding” board in Pinterest, but I’m not ACTUALLY planning a wedding. Lack of other half an’ all, but the Sister is, so I might have to point her this way. She is turning into a proper bridezilla, and it’s still 9 months to the wedding.
Also, when I *DO* get married, can I have an alpaca shaped floor lamp? Cus that sounds awesome!
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Ah yes, I have a few friends who had new diamond rings on display this holiday.
Five golden riiiinnngsss!
I think my favorite part of my friend’s wedding last year was when the groom went to take off the garter… and pulled out a pair of giant white granny panties labeled “future lingerie” :) too funny!
She was also smart enough to buy a pair of Toms shoes as her reception shoes.
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I’m so with you girrrrrl.
I’ve recently gotten two wedding invitations from family that said, “Adults only.” and “Cash only, no gifts please.”
First off, why invite someone you know has a small child if the child is not permitted to attend? Way to instantly anger a pregnant mommy.
Second, cash only? Really? Are you a princess? Can you not walk yourself into Target and return the things you don’t like?
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Ruth S Reply:
January 5th, 2012 at 3:34 pm
yeah I was thinking if it wasn’t family, I just wouldn’t go to the wedding if they asked for money only.. Family.. that’s sticky. I bought a couple a pair of puffy wedding picture frames that I got for $2.50 at a garage sale, cause they didn’t invite me to the reception. I probably wasn’t expected to give them anything, but I didn’t know what to do.
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Tiffani Reply:
January 5th, 2012 at 11:09 pm
I didn’t care that they are family. I’m not going. If they want to be pissy about who can attend and then have the nerve to demand money they can suck it. I’ll stay home with my two year old and party like it’s 1999.
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I am fully prepared to attend a skating, conga line wedding.
Now to find that bride and groom…
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Holy Moly…. one of my biggest pet peeves for weddings, showers, etc… specifying cash gets to me. Will I give you money? depends, but please don’t ask for it, especially if we’ve already dropped a couple hundred on required wedding party apparel. Pleeeeze, when you are registering do not feel the need to add the $800 vacuum cleaner and… I am buying you a wedding gift for the TWO of you, do not ask for a pair of size nine wide barefoot running shoes. It’s tacky. Please don’t tell me exactly what to buy for a shower, (this AND this) and how to wrap it. And guests…. This is a very important day for the couple, have the decency to show up in something other that jeans and a flannel shirt when everyone else is in formal wear. If you can’t? for the love of God, please avoid being caught in the background of pictures. Okay, end of rant. I think I need a break from weddings. (sorry if I offended anybody)
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teehehehee!
i FELL YOU on the the saftey pin thing. one of the straps on my dress broke during the reception line hugging marathon and my genius mamma whipped out her emergency kit and fixed me right up. :o)
and, i don’t think these two things can be stressed enough:
(1) regardless of what ANYONE tells you, the wedding is for your families and their friends. the MARRIAGE is for you and your hottie husbnad/wife for life. you may not like it, you may wish it was different, but that’s just how it is, yo.
(2) ohmygoodness with the wedding attire and behavior, people! if you wouldn’t normally flash your great uncle Jo your undies or your mass-o-poorly contained cleavage, then please for the love of all things matrimonial, keep your dress skirt down (I’m looking at you, Garter Toss King and Queen) and keep the “girls” securely contained in as much fabric as necessary (your dress top should NOT resemble a retrofitted piece of bedroom lingerie!). save the undies and bare body parts for your hubs honey! that part is what makes all the wet towels on the floor and the AWOL toothpaste caps worth it! :o)
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Can’t you just exchange your crap gifts for better ones/something other than another slow cooker? Legitimate question, i’m a bride-to-be.
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Roo Reply:
January 20th, 2012 at 7:44 pm
Yes! And I hear Bed, Bath, & Beyond has a great return policy.
Congrats, Violet! :)
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