Like the time I wrote about ways to show a blogger you like her, this post may seem self-serving. But, it is timely. I have three friends due to give birth this week, and plenty of NGN buds are due this spring. I swear, it happens like osmosis, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how babies are made.
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
It’s a wonderful thing to hear, but most new moms are so overwhelmed, they have no idea what to do with that statement. Or, if you’re like me, you’re a little afraid that’s it just something that people say and are too timid to take them up on that offer. Or, again if you’re like me, you’re wondering what “anything” entails.
And while I admittedly need to get over this mental block I have of not knowing how to ask for help or accept help, I have realized that other people deal with this as well. So, when a friend of mine gives birth (or has surgery or a host of other things that can leave them overwhelmed), I try to be as specific with my offer as possible.
photo by my pal Christopher Capozziello
1) Be a helpline. If you want to help out a brand new mom and you’re a seasoned mom veteran, offer to let her call you at all hours of the night. I had Rembot only nine months before one of my friends had her baby, but I promised to keep my cell phone on my nightstand just in case she had any 3am freakouts and had a baby question. She probably only took me up on my offer a couple of times, but I was another line of defense (or reassurance) for her when the wee hours of the morning seem so lonely.
2) Round up some healthy meals. New moms are generally exhausted and wake up with that fresh I-just-got-ran-over-by-an-Isuzu-Rodeo feeling. While rich, comforting food DOES sound amazing, it will do nothing for her energy levels. Coordinating with a couple friends and taking turns doing something simple like cutting up a bunch of fresh fruit or mixing up granola and delivering it for breakfast is easy and will make this new mom forever grateful. Cause, you know, it’s easier for a new mom to throw a Pop Tart in the toaster oven than it is to attack a whole pineapple with a machete.
3) Kidnap her kiddies. Uh. Not the new one. The other one(s), if she’s got them. And get them out of the dang house. Give Mom a morning where it’s just her and the new baby, and give the kiddies a morning where they can run around somewhere else and not have to patiently wait through yet another breastfeeding or diaper session. YOU WILL MAKE THE WHOLE FAMILY HAPPY. :D
4) Clean, if you’re close. If you’re close pals, like.. you’ve seen the state of each other’s kitchens after a weekend the stomach bug hit the house… then yes, offer to help clean. “I’m coming over to clean your bathroom” or “I’m coming over to clean out your fridge” or “I’m coming over to wash, dry, fold, and put away an entire load of laundry for you” are all totally wonderful things to say to a friend. But if you’re not super close, spare her that offer. She’ll end up stressing out and trying to clean BEFORE you get there.
5) Or, send someone to clean. “A one time professional cleaning service visit is my favorite gift to give new moms.” – Shanna
6) Run a couple of errands. Return those baby gifts to the store, bring back the library books, drop off the Redbox rental, fill up her gas tank. Teeny things that may seem overwhelming to a new mom.
7) Rock that screaming baby. Sometimes she needs a break from her sweet newborn, especially if her newborn seems to be prone to crying jags. After the baby is fed, have her take off her shirt and throw it over your shoulder (her scent comforts baby). Send her into the shower (where she can’t hear and get some much-needed alone time) while you rock the baby for her.
8) Want to help but you’re far away or have your own crew to take care of? Sometimes I simply cannot make the time investment to help another mom, but I want to do something to show her I love her and appreciate her. When you can’t be there, how about: 1) sending her a gift card to a restaurant in her area so she can order take-out, 2) buying a couple of healthy and tasty snacks/drinks online (via Amazon, for example) and having them sent to her house, 3) sending a pack of diapers to her house. When she texts you to say thank you, respond with: Don’t you dare send me a thank you card. You’ve got enough junk to do. :)
9) Help her get out of the house. Moms (and their kids) can get cabin fever, but the thought of leaving the house seems daunting. Pick a morning and tell her you’ll meet her at her home to help her pack up the kid(s). Something as simple as being an extra set of hands while she pushes around a stroller at Target can do wonders for her.
10) Sleep on her couch. This one helps out Dad, too. Tell her you’ll swing by around 8:00pm and stay til midnight. Once she gets the baby down, send the parents to bed and tell them to sleep. You hang out on their couch, eat Cheetos, fold laundry, etc. When the baby cries, give her a bottle (or gently wake your pal up for a nursing session). Let Mom go back to bed while you change the diaper and hang out with the baby or rock her back to sleep. The parents gets a solid four hours of sleep and maybe a clean living room, and you get all the Cheetos you want.
Do any of these, and you will bring tears of joy to a new mom. And she will not forget it when you’re the one living in a sweatpants-clad daze with a crying newborn. Promise. Pinky swear.
Got more to add to the list? What helped you most? :)
Ahhh, I love you. This is all SOSO true.
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:08 pm
Thanks, Lisa! :)
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all excellent, excellent advice! love this list :D
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Thanks, Ingrid!! :) Hope you get some good help when #2 comes around!
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This is fab. My friends are just starting to have babies and those of us who are kidless are often at a loss of how to help. This is amazing!
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Lindsay Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 9:14 am
I agree, I pinned this just so I can be a better non-mommy friend!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Thanks, Meghan! :D
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This post is so awesome! I can’t tell you how awesome getting meals can be! I received a solid 3 weeks of meals every other day with my second and third baby. It was almost as amazing as getting the new baby! Ha! I also really like some of the other ideas like having diapers and snacks delivered. And folding laundry! I’m so excited about these new fab ideas! Thanks Roo!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Wowwww, that is amazing, Shannon! Not having to meal plan is fantastic, isn’t it? :)
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Love this post-awesome tips. I always do the call whenever one, but know i have options!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
:D Thanks, Chelsea!
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Love this list! My brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first in July! Thanks for the great ideas, I’m so excited to be able to help them out!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Awwww, I’m sure they are going to be super lucky to have you around!
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My mom did all this stuff for me and it was the best thing ever.
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Your mom sounds awesome. :)
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Within the first week of being home with my brand new baby and a two year old a friend called to say she was stopping by for a minute to drop of a gift. Upon enter our house mommy, baby, and toddler were all crying. She took the newborn and sent me upstair for a shower. When I got out she had calmed both baby and toddler and I felt semi-human again. I am pretty sure that half an hour was the best baby gift anyone gave us!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:12 pm
Oh gosh, that story sounds familiar. Anything someone can do to make a new mom feel human is soooo wonderful, isn’t it? :)
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This is awesome…I’ve pinned it for my friends (I’m due in two weeks!!) Just kidding…my favorite tip…bring her a gift of consumables. Diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, snack food (cheese & crackers, protein bars, etc.) I might not get to the store to stock up on those things, and it’s nice to have several packs of diapers just waiting to be used!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Thanks, Hannah! And definitely send it to your friends! Good idea on consumables.. so useful!
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I just wanted to take a nice long got shower and not have to worry about the baby! It would have been nice for someone besides my husband to run to the store for some last minute things.
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Agreed! It seems like the husband is usually the go-to errand guy, but a lot of times it’s just nice for him to be home so he can watch the baby.
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Can you do a post on how to help a mom who has three sons, a deployed husband and a broken elbow? Because a lot of the things above would cover my situation as well! :)
I can’t tell you how grateful I am when my sister comes over to my house carrying milk, diet coke and a casserole for supper, proceeds to clean up the kitchen and takes off again. :)
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
Oh noooooo! Steph, don’t break any more elbows!!! Post this to your FB wall and maybe someone will get the hint.
Or think that you’re pregnant.
:)
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This. is. awesome! My daughter was 2.5 when her baby sister was born by c-section and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated everyone who did these things while I was recovering. Getting Big Sister out of the house and some quality time was probably the most important one in our house, but the cooking was a very close 2nd. I’ll be sharing this post for my (several) expectant friends!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Thanks, Jenny! :) I agree, when Baby Shark was born, it was nice when someone came over, took Rembot out, and gave her a little special attention.
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Always try to put yourself in the new moms shoes ask yourself what would you want someone to do for you!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Good thinking, Sue!
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Love this! So great to be on the receiving end of any of these and also the giving end! Thanks for sharing!
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Roo Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Sure thing, Jamie! :)
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I need to remember all of these things when my sister delivers in April!!!! Thank you for this!
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Roo Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 2:09 pm
You’re welcome, Bethany!
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can you add “massage her feet, spoon feed her, read her textbooks to her, and take care of her children while she lays in bed” to the list? and then can you get someone to do that for me when i have my child?
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Roo Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Spoon feed? You’re hopeless, Lindsey. :)
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nice. :)
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Roo Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Thanks!
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This is awesome! I have three friends that will be due in the summer. I will be pinning this and studying it religiously. Maybe one day I’ll be on the receiving end of this :)
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Roo Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Hopefully soon, Paulina! :D
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I cant thank you enough for this post. As a non-mom who loves to help I need people like you who give real advice that is helpful.
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Roo Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Ohh, you are so welcome, Trina! And bless you for helping your mom friends!
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I had my little girl in January, and the first week I was home from the hospital, my wonderful mother-in-law slept with the baby each night so that my husband and I could actually get some sleep. I had a c-section so this was extra special.
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Very good points. New moms need so much help!
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Great tips- especially 2, 4, 6, and 8!! These would’ve really helped me! One thing that was awesome is my friend brought us dinner about a month after we had our baby. She said she likes to bring meals over a month after the baby b/c most of the meals have stopped coming in. Pinning for later (or rather repinning).
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Roo Reply:
March 16th, 2012 at 11:17 pm
Ohhhh, smart move on your friend’s part! That is fantastic!
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I have been on both ends of most of this list and it truly is priceless. This made me think one step further … Make this into an official gift. Depending on my degree of relationship and distance with the new mom (mom again) I will make a coupon “good for” book accordingly as a gift. One thing for sure, it will begin with the call at any time. I think I will include little tips that worked for me and words of encouragent. I had twins the first time and single 7 years later. I’m now a hands on grandmother, so the least I can offer is solicited advice or an ear. Thanks for sharing.
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Oh and I want add, my absolute, priceless gift was I had some friends take turns coming over during the day and let me take a shower and a nap. Those few days during the first 3-4 weeks were key to my sanity.
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I’m the exhausted mom of a 6-week-old & a busy toddler, with a hubby who works 80 hour weeks – If someone offered to come fold my laundry right now I’d probably kiss them…
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For a shower recently, we set up a calendar for 3 months out from the day (the babies had been born a few days before) and had people sign up to bring meals so they would be spread out for more than just the first month or so. The new parents appreciated it. :)
I will also say that, when I had my daughter a few years ago, one of the most helpful things anyone did was show up after my husband left for work in the morning and simply hold and play with her while I slept for another hour and showered.
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Easily one of the best gifts I received after having my third was a giant gift of chopped up fruit. It actually arrived the day I gave birth since I had the baby early. Needless to say I was starving and the fruit hit the spot in being healthy, juicy and super for giving me that recovery boost of energy.
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I agree, this list IS awesome, but I had idea I would like to add. How many of us get feeling so huge and uncomfortable those last few weeks? Why not take dinner to your friend the week before she is due? That is just as much appreciated. Or, bring a complete meal that can be stored in the freezer until needed whether it is that night, if the baby comes unexpectedly, or if someone falls through with bringing dinner.
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