Two posts about cats in a row is too much. Much too much. So I told Amanda the following story, and she was like… this is real life and I was like, yeah, you’re right, this is totally real life. So now I’m telling YOU this story.
A lot of you are kitty lovers – even though I am not – and love me anyway and email me pictures of your cats being all sneaky on window sills and stuff. So I know we’re cool. And like I’ve said before, if you own a cat, I’ll still come over your house and hang out with you and let you feed me.
But I won’t cat-sit.
Did I mention I’m allergic? So I don’t want to pet your cat, either. But I will absolutely let you make me dinner while I sit on your couch and read all of your magazines and your cat stays a safe distance away from me.
Wow, that was a long preface. Yesterday, I posted on Facebook that I had some sort of weird cut/fang mark/something on my hand. Not sure how I got it, but it hurts. I blamed the stray cat intruder, even though it never touched me (that I know of). Haha, demon kitty attacked me in my sleep, or whatever.
But then this morning, I woke up and my hand looked.. worse. A lot worse. And it’s red. And kinda puffy. And sure, you can say it, a little gross. I doubt my camera has captured the intensity of the grossness, but humor me for a minute.
Scenario #1: I was bit by a spider and am turning into Spiderman.
Scenario #2: Demon kitty gave me some sort of terrible virus where I have to be quarantined and drink broth and a movie is made about me with Wentworth Miller starring as my doctor and me starring as me.
Decided on going to the doctor, because.. ouch.. my hand kind of hurts and I have a small human inside me that I have to think about, too. Regular doctor was booked solid, so I met with her partner.
ME: I took a picture of what my hand looked like yesterday. *shows her phone*
DOCTOR: Mm, well it’s a good thing you came in today.
ME: It is?
DOCTOR: It’s definitely infected, and with your history of MRSA combined with the fact that you’re pregnant, we should take care of this right away.
(boring chat about antibiotics)
DOCTOR: Do you know how you hurt your hand?
ME: No idea. Maybe I abraded it on something?
DOCTOR: Well, do you have any animals? Because it looks like a cat scratched you.
!??!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!!??!
Demon kitty. It’s after me.
You have a history of MRSA? Have you blogged about this? Can you tell I have my masters in public health and tropical medicine and am fascinated and definitely not grossed out by things like MRSA?
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 6:23 pm
I do. I could blog about it, but maybe only you and I would find it interesting? I kept getting misdiagnosed and spent an ENTIRE summer indoors. It was terrible. Thankfully, I know the warning signs and can get pretty much self-diagnose at this point.
[Reply]
Caryn Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 12:54 am
I would be soooooooo interested! I’m about to start my Master of Public Health and am interested in all things most normal people find gross and/or creepy.
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 8:48 am
Only if you promise to marry my brother. Can we arrange that?
Caryn Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 9:50 am
I suppose we could arrange something. :)
The only rational explanation is someone has placed a cat hex on you. You don’t need an MD. You need a witch doctor.
Glad I’m here to be a voice of reason.
Surrrriously, though…feel better. And, sorry my window kitty pics haunted you so.
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Thank you, Brandi. And I love your kitty pictures. In the same way I love a colonoscopy.
Not that I’ve ever had one.
[Reply]
WHAT THE WHAT?!?
I think you need to have some sort of priest come and do an exorcism on your house to keep the demon cats away.
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 6:24 pm
I’m sprinkling parsley on my living room floor. That should do it, right?
[Reply]
Juliana Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 6:36 pm
I think you need to hang cloves of garlic and crucifixes around. Oh, wait is that for vampires? Same difference.
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Same species, totally.
Holy pooper-scooper! Did you check all the doors and windows? And the linen closet? And the cuboard under the sink? That’s just freaky
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Scaaaaary.
[Reply]
Spooky! Hope your hand starts to feel less possessed soon.
I used to like cats, but then they started to do nasty things to our garden, and now I think they are the devil. The DEVIL.
AND – cross my heart, true story – the moment I started to read your post, some random cat just wandered into my kitchen!!!! But don’t worry, I chased him and his stupid jingly collar straight back to Demonville or whatever other unsanitary place he came from. I can still hear him jangling somewhere nearby though…
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Ange, let’s meet for hot chocolate so we can commiserate together. Please.
[Reply]
Ange Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 12:27 am
Slight technical hitch…I’m pretty sure someone of your pregnantness (stupid red wiggly line – it is SO a word) wouldn’t be allowed to fly internationally right now. It’s a long way to New Zealand from…well…anywhere, really.
But fear not! Rest assured that I am commiserating from across the oceans, and fighting the good fight at this end, too.
[Reply]
Maybe one of your kids scratched you and you didn’t realize it?
I really don’t think the cat is stalking you. I love cats and can’t imagine this. I also love my dog, but I’m a cat person and I can say with fair certainty you do not have a cat hex on you.
Hope it’s better soon!
Hugs,
Chelle
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 15th, 2012 at 8:00 pm
WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, ANYWAY!?
;)
[Reply]
Chelle Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 10:12 am
Yours, Roo! I swear! Honest!!!!
Okay, the cat snuck back into your house and scratched you in your sleep and then went into the kitchen and drank all of your yoohoos and ate your carrots and hummus, and then wandered out your invisible cat door that was installed by the previous owner of your house.
Better? How’s your hand? ;)
[Reply]
Check under your rug.
http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 8:46 am
They’re climbin’ in yo’ window, snatchin’ yo’ people up.
[Reply]
I’m with you on your opinion towards cats. That being said, I laughed really hard imagining your reactions to all this then realized: IF I ever get to sleep tonight. I’ll have nightmares of demon kitties. All thanks to you.
And after all that, if my doctor said that to me, I would have completely flipped out at the office. I hope it heals soon! Looks painful!
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 8:46 am
I hope you got some sleep last night, Christine! :)
And I was like o.O when the doctor said that.
[Reply]
Christine Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Oh I did. Without any demon kitty nightmares to boot!
[Reply]
Well, I’m a cat lover, but I totally believe that cats can be evil! We had one who chose to pee in my mom’s only designer handbag she’s ever had! Although, that thing on your hand doesn’t really look like a scratch to me…
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 8:47 am
What! Your poor mom. :(
I still could go with my theory that I’m turning into Spiderman.
[Reply]
Raylene Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 4:37 pm
…or Catwoman.
[Reply]
I like cats but I love my puppies more! thats really really creepy that they said it looked like a cat scratch. And I totally agree Raylene that doesn’t really look like a cat scratch, I’ve gotten plenty of those.
[Reply]
Roo Reply:
February 16th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Girl, you’ve gotten plenty of scratches and you still like cats?
I’m a total dog lover. For sure. :)
[Reply]
Demon kitty. Totally called it. It must have a Roo voodoo doll that it used to bite your hand. I hate cats. Keep a filled super soaker near by so you can spray any cat that comes within a 20 yard vicinity.
[Reply]
creepy. maybe you have an alternative personality and when you, Roo, go to sleep, the other personality wakes up and that personality LOOOOVES cats and lets the cat in the house??
[Reply]
also, there was a story on tv a while ago about a cat who snuck into people’s homes while they were sleeping and stole things from them. It’s on video, not sure if you’d actually want to look at it but here’s the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qSLvkskXFA
[Reply]
bahahahaaaaaaa! I am just catching up on your blog posts because I was without internet for a little while and I totally paid that lady to say that about cats. I did.
[Reply]