Are you familiar with a chain of stores called the Christmas Tree Shops? They’re bargain stores across the country, but mainly in New England. There are four in Connecticut. If you don’t have one, don’t fret. This is not about Christmas Tree Shops. This is about your typical bargain store in general.
Most of the time, I’m a big believer in “you get what you pay for.” I don’t skimp on 1) fresh produce, 2) contact solution, 3) cookware, 4) shoes, and… hmm. 5) Mattresses! Boom.
These bargain stores’ prices are the cheapest of the cheap. I’d guess their target market is women over 50. They’ve got all sorts of seasonal decor. Garden gnomes, flags with bunnies on them, a million of those painful Live, Love, Laugh signs. I generally avoid these stores, mainly because there’s nothing I want in them. Today, I wanted to buy some beach toys. We live 2,498 feet away from the beach (I know cause State Farm dropped our homeowner’s insurance policy because we’re ‘too close’ to the water. ‘Too close’ is within 2,500 feet. That was fun.)
Sometimes, they’ve got great finds. Gardening gloves for a dollar? Sure! A $7 trifle bowl identical to the $35 one at Williams-Sonoma? You bet. Plus, it’s two minutes from my house. In the other direction. Away from the Atlantic Ocean.
But don’t be fooled. They have their downfalls. I decided to go to Christmas Tree Shops with Baby Shark and Rembot in tow before dinner. All of the things I detest about entering a bargain store happened to me today.
1) I come across stuff that no human should buy or sell. Like tree faces. Know what these are? These are eyes, noses, and mouths that you nail to a tree in your yard for a whimsical and friendly look.
Except they’re not whimsical and friendly. They scare the junk out of me every time I see them. Here, watch.
Nothing says “welcome to our home” more than a garden of nightmares and sheer terror. And it’s $6.99! CAROL, that is a BARGAIN.
2) Some cranky woman gives me and my girls the look. You know what I’m talking about? To be fair, SO many people are nice to my girls and smile at them and say hiii and comment on how pretty they are. That’s very nice. But then there’s a small population of women (age doesn’t really matter here.. but I’d generally say at least a couple of decades or so older than me) that just stare at us like I’ve done them some great disservice by giving birth to small humans, sticking them in a shopping cart, and pushing them around a store.
And it’s not like my kids are yelling profanities and starting gang wars. They’re pretty well behaved, and more often than not, Rembot is singing a song and Baby Shark is dancing to it. HELLO? That’s charming. Stop giving me a death stare.
2b) Some cranky person comments about my age – in a not nice way.
Alright, let me just say this. I know that it is flattering when people think you’re younger than you are. Totally. And generally speaking, if you’re a server at a restaurant and you card me or if we meet and we’re chit-chatting and you tell me I look like a college student, I WILL LOVE IT. But somehow.. somehow.. being in a bargain store makes those comments insulting. It’s the Christmas Tree Shops effect. For example:
Cranky woman from 1): You look SO YOUNG to be having kids.
I am in the normal age range for having children my age… not that it should matter.
Me: Thanks, but I’m old enough. ::polite smile::
Her: How old ARE you?
This is rude to ask unless we’re buds. We’re not buds.
Me: Ehh, I’m around [milestone age].
Her: Well. You don’t look it. ::add one more mean stare, and off she goes::
What the junk, yo. What the junk. Sorry you didn’t get your tabloid Juno story, CAROL. And also? ASIAN DON’T RAISIN. *makes circular motion around face* (Pssst. Thanks, Mom.)
3) It takes me 4 minutes to find what I need, and another 14 minutes to check out. This is the nature of the bargain store beast. I found a cool sandcastle shaped bucket with accompanying sand toys, and I was ready to go. Note: Other good finds at the Christmas Tree Shops? Here’s my list: gardening gloves, buckets of sidewalk chalk, coloring books, clothespins, and sometimes they have neat stuff around Christmas time. If you like a good mob and can hold your own among people fighting over battery operated candles.
I’m in line with the girls with our one item (the sand bucket), and because there’s only two lanes open, I’m behind a 50 something year old woman with a cartload of things no human should buy.
- Does the pelican beak on this figurine look scratched? I’ll go get another one.
:::leaves, comes back:::
- I got a different pelican figurine, but now I want both because I think they’d go well as a matching set in the guest bathroom. Can you discount the scratched one?
- Really? Only by 50%? You need to do better than that. The BEAK is SCRATCHED. I don’t know how you think you can get away with selling it when it’s damaged.
- I’d like to speak to the manager, because this is just OUTRAGEOUS.
- Well can you throw in the matching pastel seashell guest soaps? That would be the least you could do.
:::looks at me:::
- UGH. Can you believe this?
No, Carol. I can’t.
hahahaha you are funny dear!
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Keisha Reply:
May 11th, 2011 at 9:08 pm
hahahahaha, So true and I am peeing in my pants.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Haha oh noooo!
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Thanks, boo!
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I seriously get hives when I have to go there, but you can’t beat their prices on wrapping and tissue paper. But that’s about it.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
WORD on that tissue paper.
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I usually have to be bribed to go into those stores and, sometimes,lubed up with a couple glasses of wine. My mother LOVES them *heavy sigh*. It’s like a game to her!!! I see her face squinch up while she wonders exactly how much junk she can acquire with $20. when she brings it home, my dad waits the appropriate amount of time and then he tosses it bit by bit :D
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Hahahahaha ohhhh man.
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This is hysterical…. and so true. I’m at CT resident and in my 22 years I’ve been once to the CTS. I’m pretty sure Carol was there….
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
That dang Carol…
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Congratulations! We’ve reached that moment in my house. What moment is that, you ask? The point where I am laughing so hard that my husband just looks over and asks…”Roo?” Yeah, that’s right, buddy.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Ahahahahaha, that’s hysterical.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Um, PS. I’m quoting you on this.
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Holy crap! I about peed myself at the “ASIAN DON’T RAISIN” part!
I can totally relate to this though… I reluctantly stopped at a Christmas Tree Shoppe about a week ago. How about as soon as I parked my car, a church bus pulled up and unloaded two dozen blue hairs for a geriatric shopping trip. It literally took half an hour to get in and out with the one thing I was looking for!
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Haaa oh man. I love little old ladies. Unless they’re mean. Then it’s on.
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Hey, I’m a 50 year old woman but you won’t catch me buying that stupid stuff. I hate those kind of stores! We don’t have a Christmas Tree Shoppe here but there are others like it.
Funny thing, once I turned 50, I started getting catalogs with all that weird junk that I guess old people are supposed to like. I have seen that tree face thing in one of them. Yikes! Who would want that tacky thing on their property?
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Really? I want those catalogs. If nothing else, it would make for good blog fodder, no?
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Cathy Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Yeah, you could talk about some of weird stuff in those catalogs all day. I don’t even remember the names of them but next time I get one in the mail, I’ll send it to you.
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Roo! I KNOWWW!!! I feel that way about Ross/TJ Maxx/Homegoods/Marshalls/every single discount store ever… I used to work at one of those stores and that last part about the lady = DEAD. ON.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 4:27 pm
THAT CAROL.
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It’s like when you were irritated to be carded for alcohol but then get a little older and get irritated to not be carded…..yeah I’m at the not getting carded stage of life. it kind of sucks more. Carol will totally agree with me on that one
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:07 am
Hahahaha, I haven’t gotten carded much in the past year, to be honest.
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Last Friday I went in a discount store (The Dollar Tree, Sevierville, TN) and I left without buying anything. The place was crawling with tourists and it was very claustrophobic. Guess they needed to stock up on the essentials they might have left at home. My daughter, of course, had to use the restroom which we located at the back of the store only to find a sign that said “Get key from front.” When we approached an employee up front we were told the key had been missing for about an hour. Hmmm. Anyhow, my daughter’s need took precidence over my $1 roll of tulle and assorted pack of needles and we left empty handed.
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:08 am
Oh, that sounds like an absolute nightmare.
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De-lurking to say I’ve enjoyed your blog for some time- brilliance! – and finally comment: Until now, I hadn’t yet encountered “tree faces”. Now what has been seen, can never be unseen. To think, some git somewhere is getting bank from inventing bastardized Mr. Potato Head bits to slap onto TREES. If you hadn’t posted photographic evidence, I would have thought you were joking… but now my seared corneas, and dreams will never be the same. Squicks me to no end! *Douche chills* :/
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:08 am
Thanks for de-lurking! This comment was hilarious. Hope you’ll comment more often. :D
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ahhh! i hate all those things you mentioned…. BUUUUTTT i LOVE the christmas tree shops and all the others. i L.O.V.E. them. haha. i swear that i do not have a house that is filled with pelican figurines or trees with faces though. but i do love to paw through junk stores. it is my favorite. can we still be friends?
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also, every year or two when we go up to CT i HAVE to go there. in hawaii there is this thing called the swap meet at the stadium in honolulu that i swear for the first year i lived there, i went every saturday before heading to the beach. seriously, can we still be friends?
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Wanda Giggles :o) Reply:
May 11th, 2011 at 11:10 pm
the swap meet is a completely different creature!!! My favorite one has a lady who sells cheesy corn cobs on a stick and a beer vendor and ladies who may or may not speak English selling whatever they found in the back of the garage and doilies!!! It’s like the circus only weirded :D
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 10:01 am
Next time you’re in Connecticut, let’s go to CTS together! We’ll blog about it. If they haven’t banned me by then.
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Ingrid Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 6:29 pm
totally! i am down, only i don’t look young for my age, so i don’t get those looks. sometimes my little sister does when she is hanging out with my little guy :) i do remember now it taking about 30 minutes to check out at CTS last time and it was because of a haggler who was also writing a check.
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I’m cracking up at your name for all annoying middle-aged ladies: Carol. And Asian don’t raisin, complete with the circular hand motion? Dying. So very Santana on Glee (‘cept she’s Hispanic… but the ‘tude is totally the same).
We don’t have the Christmas Tree Shops in the mid-Atlantic, but Target is pretty much the exact same way. Only at Target you can get Starbucks. It’s how they suck you in…
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 10:00 am
I actually cringed a little after posting. I met a woman named Carol (not middle-aged) this weekend, and she was pretty nice. Sorry, Carol!
Hahaha, isn’t Santana the MEAN one??? :D
Dude, love the Target.
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Laugh-crying….too funny. Love the stares comments…so true! What’s up with that!?!?
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:59 am
I don’t get it, actually. Let’s poll some people.
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(1) “asian don’t raisin” – tehehehe ahahahehe eheea ha!!! i die. seriously, the funniest thing i’ve heard all day. your, Roo, are like Steve Martin, you have a direct line to my funny bone! you say it, i’m cracking up. i can’t help it.
(2) i secretly love the Christmas Tree Shop because it makes me nostalgic for New England (I’m a midwesterner who worked in Mass for a year). Christmas Tree Shop and “The Witch of Blackbird Pond” = I miss the Cape.
(3) i’ve been quiet on the comments b/c i discovered Google Reader… which i loved, but it made it hard to comment. enter the “next” button that I read about from Sarah here: http://whoorl.com/archives/5498, who read about it from Kritstin here: http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2011/03/if-you-read-blogs-you-should-read-this.html
so now i’m back to commenting and i love it. :o)
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that the tree thingies remind me of the evil apple trees in the Wizard of Oz. Scary stuff indeed!
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:59 am
Right? And those trees weren’t nice!
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I love my local discount stores! I love to sift through the garbage to find that one shiny to take back home. It’s always different, too. Big Lots, right now, has a bunch of Elf cosmetics on sale for ridiculously cheap, and last month my daughters took home some Crocs heels (who knew?) Dollar Tree is a stand by for all sorts of craft supplies and my secret cleaning weapon, Awesome. Yeah, it really is awesome ;P
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:52 am
I’ve hit up my local Dollar Tree a time or two to find some crafty stuff. :)
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That tree face is beyond creepy. My mom has a couple of those in her backyard and they startle me every time I look out there. It’s not right.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:50 am
Haha, but they’re whimsical!!
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That tree face just gave me the heebie jeebies. Eeek.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:49 am
You’re welcome, AND? I’m sorry. :)
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So funny and so true! Especially those tree people who honestly thinks they are cute. I think people buy them to scare people off their property. But…don’t you just love a bargain :) Every time I walk in that store I hear that jingle in my head.
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:47 am
Hahaha, they DEFINITELY have a catchy jingle.
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LOL… I feel you’re pain.. My mothers (mine and my mother in law) are both shoppers of the “how many nick-knacks can i squeeze on to my coffee table” people My mom is a Santa collector and my mother in law does birds. Lot’s of em. Oh and she has the creepy tree face… I usually visit in the daylight. :)
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:47 am
Hahahahaha YEAH. Do you get gifted those things at Christmas?
“Here’s a porcelain figurine of a kitten holding a basket of yarn.”
“Awesome. Thanks.”
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I get that look and comments about “my age” all the time (but only when i go out without my husband).. The other day I took my kids to lunch at the dinner and as I was paying the waitress was standing next to the cashier and goes ” she is too young to have children” really lady I am standing right here, I can here you..
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Roo Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:46 am
Ugh, I hate that. Did you say anything? I usually don’t, but I think I’ll start. And the next time someone asks me how old I am, my response is going to be, “HOW OLD ARE YOU?”
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Jeni Reply:
May 12th, 2011 at 9:55 am
I just gave her a “look”.. I think I was in shock at how rude she was.
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SOOOO Funny!
I hate when people give that look! I mean i’m really young but really? It doesn’t matter, My husband is in the military and we take care of our son.
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:09 am
You are really young! I bet you get it way worse than I do. Pshhh, whateva! You have a beautiful family. :)
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Today is a cold, dreary, gray day in NoDak. Thanks for making me giggle. Seriously, I wish I was Asian so I could say “Asian no raisin.” Got one for a whitey with red hair? Maybe something about Irish? Pretty please?
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:10 am
Hahaha we’ll have to brainstorm. What rhymes with Irish?
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asian don’t raisin?! this is hilarious!! also I spent so much time in these stores in Germany, it is insane. they are not really popular here in Dublin tho…in Germany we have 1 Euro shops..in Dublin we have 2 Euro shops go figure!
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:11 am
Haha, yeah, I’ve been wondering when our dollar stores are going to be come Two-Dolla stores, know what I mean?
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I busted out laughing at “Asian don’t raisin”. That’s hilarious.
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 6:11 am
Hahaha. :D
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I lie about my age now. For fun. A lot. Since Cal is turning 12 this year and I’m 30, we get a lot of stares. Especially if we are at the local Wal-Mart and I yell out “you better put that brand name cheese in a can back on the shelf, young lady. I told you we can’t afford the good stuff this time” VERY LOUDLY. Just for fun. When people “compliment” me and tell me I’m too young to have an almost teen, I tell them that I am 40 and I believe in the power of botox.
Bargain stores? I’m just miffed you didn’t call and ask me if I wanted my very own tree face. Where’s the love? Don’t you believe in gift giving?
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Ditto on everything except the cute kids, don’t have any :sigh:
Down here in the south (don’t you just love redundancy) we have Treasure Hunt and Dirt Cheap. Yes, you heard me right and the one in the town I live in is the most disorganized, chaotic environment you can walk into. My husband refuses to walk in and swears it makes him itchy. I believe it too. I’m just not a digger and don’t have the patience to search through junk.
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I get “the look” too! I don’t mind telling my age so I always reply “Um,I’m 37!” in a condescending tone. It’s especially awkward when I forget to wear my wedding band (I don’t sleep with it on). WHY do I feel it’s necessary to talk about my husband in those situations? Who cares what they think! I’ll probably never see them again anyway!
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OH. TOTALLY! ON EVERYTHING you just wrote! I always have the luck being in the line that seemed the shortest – and this can be at a non discount store like those pharmacy/drug store/wanna be grocery store and what nots – and the person in front of me is the same 50 year old (or older) you speak of here. There is always some price checking and haggling going on – but come on – this IS NOT a discount store..oh and the best funny looks I get are when I am with my husband (when he has a full beard), who is only 2 years older than me, but often people think he is much much older.
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laughed out loud reading this! hahahaaa ASIAN DON’T RAISIN, love it.
i have battery operated candles from the christmas tree shop! ;)
gotta love the carols of this world.
and i can’t stand when people make issues of how old you look and are in shock and amazement when they find out 1. you’re married, 2. you have kids, and 3. you can cook! haha i get it all the time!
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I am so with you.
They should give out flasks (full, of course) at the front door of some of these places. There simply is no other imaginable way to get through it.
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Here is what happened last time I was at The Christmas Tree Shop, which is pretty much what happens every time, just with a different item. I was throwing a Dr. Seuss birthday party for my daughter and they had these cute red and white cups with bendy straws that I wanted. The problems was there was like 342075098742309820 shoved in a bin and all the straws were broken. I was trying to pick through and find the non-completely smashed, busted up, soon to be 50% off at the register- cups. It took me about 3.25 minutes to find 6 of them. Well, for 3.24 of those minutes an old, mean, wrinkly, jerk of a woman tapped her foot and sighed repeatedly until I was finished and then said, “That took a while”. It took all I had not to throw one of the cups at her head, but I didn’t want to smash one of the cups I worked so hard to look for.
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First of all- those tree things scare the bejezus out of me. No home should be displaying them… maybe just on trees near tombstones…
Also- are you crazy girl- taking 2 kids into a bargain store? The only time I shop with my kids, is when I am shopping online….. and even that can be a challenge!
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
I do. Sometimes it’s awful, and sometimes it’s okay. :)
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There are some people out there who seem to think anyone under 57 is too young to have children. I got married and had our first child at 24, and people who already knew I was a grown up and married STILL asked if the pregnancy was planned!
Next time tell Carol you left the other 5 at home ;D
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
When I was pregnant, and people would ask, “Oh, were you TRYING to get pregnant?” I would always want to respond, “You KNOW you’re asking me about my sex life, right?” Geez, y’all.
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ASIAN DON’T RAISIN. never heard that before. I LOL’d
So Asians don’t raisin. Black don’t crack. What about White? White don’t whittle?
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:32 pm
We’ll have to think about that one. :)
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You should try the fabric store, which is where I have to live mostly;) It’s a whole new sub-culture!
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Ha, we’ve got a JoAnns, but no cool little fabric store. :)
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You always find shit you don’t need there but at the end of the day when you’re husband’s all “What the fuck? A garden gnome?” and you can proudly say “It was only $1!!!!”
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Haaa! That’s totally my husband, and I’m absolutely the one going, “COME ON. WHY DID YOU BUY THIS?!”
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My mom still insists on buying the $1 spices from the Christmas Tree Shop, it drives me nuts! PS. Nice meeting you at Bloggy Boot Camp last weekend!
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Great meeting you, too!
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I worked in retail for 8 years so I can totally relate to what you are saying. I was shopping with a friend and she has always been a frugal shopper. She would get huffy when I’d spend too much. I think I’m a sensible shopper. She would spend forever looking at stuff and try to find a bargain. We were at Home Goods and wanted to find the bargain rack. I said everything is cheaper than the big stores, but you’re not going to find it dirt cheap. I think the prices there are amazing enough.
I hate to go through racks and racks of clothes to find one thing.
I love your daughter’s nicknames. It’s so cute!!!
Remember what they say..don’t worry about what strangers think. lol I totally understand what you mean by “bargain” shoppers. Thanks for the laughs!
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Roo Reply:
May 14th, 2011 at 7:11 pm
I’ve only been to Home Goods once. Maybe I’ll check it out again!
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Love your blog- however, i will turn 50 this year and I behave NOTHING like the women you mention in this piece. I don’t even go to those type of stores. Although I do agree there are plenty of Carols out there, please don’t paint us all with the same brush. I also have plenty of friends my age and older who would be appalled at this type of behavior (and this type of shopping).
Thanks.
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 8:18 am
Anna, please don’t be offended. Here I’m highlighting the exception, not the rule! :D
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Anna Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 8:27 am
well thank you.
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I forgot to mention something you guys were talking about- the mean looks that you get when you have children and are married and/or plenty old enough to have children. I can relate, I always looked very young for my age and had my first child at 21. I always got the look and this was in the 80′s when people were much more conservative- and less shy about saying what they thought. Now that I am older, every young person looks SO young to me, it’s hard to tell late teens from early 20′s to me. Everyone just looks so YOUNG. I think it’s your time to shine, have babies, be happy, etc, so i would never be mean or angry at anyone who was young with a child, and it’s not my business what the circumstances are. But you must understand that for many of us, you all look SO young…it’s confusing!
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Roo Reply:
May 15th, 2011 at 8:21 am
Haha, I get that. But I haven’t seen my “teen” years in about a decade. ;)
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True, and I don’t mean that to be condescending in any way. More of a fault of the middle aged and elderly. (the seniors always think I’m far younger than i am). You have a right to be annoyed by mean looks, but enjoy people thinking you are younger while you can. It won’t last forever!!!
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Believe me you speak the truth…..not worth your time to go in that place
Bunch of junk!!!!
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[...] Saturday, so on Black Friday you can just eat more turkey and wrap a few gifts instead of wrestling Carol to the ground over an embroidered reindeer sweater and a flat screen [...]
haha, just now reading this from the CSS link. This sounds like my exact experience every time I go into places like this! And the ‘you are way too young to have that many kids’ look is just my FAVE! I once had a lady say “It’s so nice you get to grow up with them!” hahaha!
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[...] things I dislike more than a disgusting fridge, and that list probably includes cat intruders and shopping at discount stores. Things spill, leftovers are forgotten, and expiry dates taunt me. Since finding out about the [...]