It’s time for more…
Ballers of History is a series on… ballers. Of… history. This is my second BoH post. You can read the first one about George Washington and then come back here for the second installment.
This week’s baller is Benjamin Franklin. You know him as the big headed guy that did all that stuff, not sure about what, but wasn’t lightning involved? Let me school you a little bit.
Benjamin Franklin was born in 1706 into a huuuge family. He had a lot of siblings. BF’s dad, Josiah, had many children with his first wife, and many children with his second wife.
Benjamin was the youngest son, and either the ninth out of eleven children or the fifteenth out of seventeen. Or maybe I’m wrong altogether. The jury’s out on the exact number of siblings, due to mortality rates among children back then and the two wives. And yet, out of all the numbers I’ve found, Josiah Franklin still had fewer children than the Duggars.
BF had some baby mama drama of his own. He tried marrying a 15 year old, but then she married someone else who ended up running off to Barbados with her dowry, so then he had a common-law marriage with her and took care of her kid, and then THEY had kids, but it turns out he had a child with ANOTHER woman as well. Dang. I should backtrack a little – to before he needed a heart-to-heart with Dr. Phil and a fifth grade health class.
When Benjamin Franklin was 16, he got all PETA on us and became a vegetarian — but not for the normal PETAish reasons. He gave up meat so he could afford to buy books. I can’t even compare that to modern day teenager, as I think most high school students only read under duress – the exception being if there are sparkly vampires involved. It’s like asking a teenage girl to give up Facebook so she can play mahjong with her dad.
No, it’s not. I can’t think of anything comparable.
Maybe Benjamin was frustrated about having books, but no bacon. Or bacon, but no books. So he formed the first public library in the US so no one would have to give up eating Five Guys burgers in order to read a book. Actually, he did a lot of stuff…
He invented the lightning rod, invented bifocals, wrote books, and published newspapers.. He also decided slavery was a terrible idea, let his two slaves go and became an abolitionist. He created one of the first volunteer firefighting companies in the US! He played chess! He composed music! He signed the Declaration of Independence! He wore Batman underpants!
And the biggest and best reason why he’s a baller? His face is on the hundred dollar bill. Hip hop artists have been rapping about him for decades now.
Make it rain, BF. Make it rain.
If you are ever in DC and want to see the junk they wrote at the beginning (you know, Declaration, Constitution, Bill of Rights) drop me a line. I work there and will get you a private tour. :) It’s fun stuff. Cause, you make me laugh and I appreciate that.
http://sixdegreesoflove.blogspot.com/
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:10 pm
I would love that! And then I’d have to start a new series called Ballers of Present and you’d be it.
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These posts are absolutely my favorite. You should have become a history teacher- your students would have LOVED you [and history for that matter :]
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:10 am
I would have gotten in trouble for using urban dictionary terminology all the time, I think. But I’m glad you like Ballers of History. I wasn’t sure whether to let it be a one post wonder or if I should make it a regular thing… hmmm.
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Sorry, I had to add a couple more “Yo”s to the last paragraph when reading it. :) I might have even added a GASP “b*tch” to it as well.
Awesome Post, awesome stick figures, and I love that you felt the need to clarify that it was NOT a muppet. Good morning laughs.
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Roo Reply:
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:07 am
It’s not a muppet! But it could be…
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Steph - 3 of Mine Reply:
October 22nd, 2010 at 9:25 am
I’m trying to determine what color muppet would be best. So many good ones are taken.
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Ben Franklin is my favorite. He may have had quite a colorful life in many aspects, but he also had the courage to stand up for what he believed in.
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:15 am
Definitely! I had no idea that he accomplished so much! I think I only actually knew about a quarter of it.
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BF’s dad was a pimp!
Bacon, yummmm
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:02 am
True playa fo real.
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P Diddy would be proud and so would Ma$e, remember him? He gave up the benjamin’s for Jesus. Thanks for the en”lighten”ment…and making me want some bacon. Awesome post as always!!
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:04 am
Haha yes, I do! I heard he pastored a church for a little bit, and when he announced that he was getting married, half the women in the church left. But I thought he’s back to rapping now?
I thought I told you that we won’t stop… thought I told you that we won’t stop. Haha.
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Andi Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:06 pm
is he? hmmm…didn’t know that. I guess he will be like the second coming of Will Smith since he doesn’t swear. Nah nah nah nah nah…gettin’ jiggy with it. haha
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Rock from South Street to one two Fifth.
I could do this alllll dayyyy loooong.
Andi Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:16 pm
word
Once again you killed it, or as my husband says “kilt” it (he thinks it sounds more gangsta). I actually learned and remembered a few things. “Make it rain, BF. Make it rain” Genius!
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:12 pm
I don’t about gangsta. Unless there are gangs in Scotland.
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Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that you drew the dad in that cartoon to look like me? Oh and I’m glad to see that our late-night yammerings actually worked out well. :)
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:13 pm
Hmm? Me? No, I didn’t. I was kind of channeling the creepy guy in the “Things Kids Get Away With” post.
DON’T TRY TO TAKE CREDIT.
Maybe you can, but only a little bit.
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Awesome! A history lesson that makes me giggle! My favorite thing about BF… he founded the first school in America to instruct in English instead of Latin. I would have never made it through school if they were trying to teach me all that stuff in Latin. Ick!
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Ha! I had no idea. You should have emailed me this before I put my post up, Brooke. What were you thinking? GOSH.
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This is awesome. :)
I loved finding out all that stuff about Ben I didn’t know. I especially love the first drawing pointing him out as a “mini baller”. I think I snorted when I read that.
Two random things – my daughter has a shirt that says, “I’m Vegetarian – except for Bacon”
and I think we should make that drawing into a muppet! Wouldn’t that be the cutest pillow or something, with the little glasses? Too cute. ;)
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Hahaha I drew it and I though… okay, this looks like a face. Shoot. You want me to spray paint it onto something for you?
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I bet if the douchebags on the Texas State Board of education knew about the whole child out of wedlock thing they would’ve taken him out of the history books too.
Sorry, it is election season in Texas and I keep getting all riled up.
LOVED this post though.
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Ha! I can’t really relate, as I’m in Connecticut, but that’s crazy… I’m familiar with the banned book list, but no one puts Ben Franklin in the corner. NO ONE!
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” …as I think most high school students only read under duress – the exception being if there are sparkly vampires involved.” Tru dat.
Or Nicholas Sparks. LOL
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Roo Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Ughhhh the Notebook ughhhh.
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Okay, why is it that when I read your Ballers of History posts, the “Real Men of Genius” Bud Light commercial track plays in my head?!? (Mr. Bifocal-Lightening-Rod-Inventing-Hundred-Dollar-Bill-Face-Composer-Declaration-of-Independence-Signing-Abolitionist, we salute you!)
Roo – You’re a Real Chica of Genius. And I think I heart you even more now that you ughhhed Nicholas Sparks.
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Roo Reply:
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:07 am
Ahahahaha. I like the “Mr. Stadium Scoreboard Propo-OHHHH-sal Guyyyy” one. :)
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Who knew that Ben Franklin was so scandalous. I love it! I did know about those cool inventions though since I require my second grader students to read a biography about a person of interest and then make a power presentstion on it. Every once and a while Ben Franklin comes up. So when forced sometimes kids at least my elementary ones will read.
ps Those pictures are the cutest!!!
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Roo Reply:
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:10 am
Wait wait wait.. your students make power point presentations?? That’s amazing!
PS. Thanks, Kathy! :)
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Just found your blog and I love reading your stuff! Hilarious content–and yet, I feel like I got a little refresher on American History. Looking forward to some more Ballers :)
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Darn it – you beat me to the Duggar joke!! =)
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I LOVE this idea! You’re very witty and your cartoon drawings are adorable. Although President John Tyler might not be of baller status, he’s close to Duggar status. He had 15 kids.
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This is prolly going to be one of my fav series from you. As a former history buff (and I stress former), I am loving the urban twist to it all. Hey! give me a break, college was years ago and having babies made me lose my smarts. I did recognize “Go Dog Go!” by the way.
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I’m a big american history fan and I love your Baller’s of history posts!! Keep ‘em commin!
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[...] he did vote against slavery.. in Missouri, but I’m not convinced he made the turn around that Baller Benjamin Franklin once did. If I’m wrong, please tell me. Otherwise, I’m stamping Van Buren as [...]
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